Naomi | Lollirot (rottingqueen) wrote,
Naomi | Lollirot

. My health is horrible. I am on 60 > 40 > 20 > 10 MG of Prednisone over time. It has forced my weight back up over 165lbs, I'm retaining mass water, thinned my bones out, weakened my joints, has me pissing 3 times an hour - constantly up and down to do it.

. I am also back on Hydroxyzine [H1 Blocker] and Pepcid [H2 Blocker]. It leaves me very weak and tired all the time - functioning is a battle all day every day.

. My hair is falling out like it's no ones business, and while my skin in manageable . . . It's at a high cost.

. My medical bills and debt are insane. And I was rejected for Medicaid . . . We are trying again, but I might have to find the funds to go thru the Clinic for my mental state and get some form of partial disability.

. My job gives me maybe 4-5 hours in a week. All associates are at about 5 - 10 hours. Yet, somehow, they are hiring on 2 more people. It means at least one person has to be fired - and I have a feeling it might be me. There is a lot of favoritism, and I know I am not one of the most popular between my Boss and the other girls.

. With those hours, I make around $50 every 2 weeks. I get by still working my online work but - even that is wobbly, and sometimes I make so little I can't even pay a months phone bill let alone eat. . .

. I obviously am stuck living at my parents. It's driving me mad. I love my family, but we do not do each other well most of the time. My mother has been "unwell" most of my life - and my sister all of hers. I always felt unable to be sick or weak, because they are so often. It has me at a breaking point since I have not been given any help.

. I can't afford a car. So I am stuck relying on other people at all times, which in itself is causing me insane stress. . . Most of all because there is no one reliable and I often am screwed.

. My best friend moved away. I have not been the same since the loss of Emil. I don't have the drive to enjoy my nights anymore.

. I have taken notice I have been allowing myself to get drunk more often. 1-2 times a week. I have done some stupid things during, as well. And they are not helping me. [ Thankfully I caught this. ]

Life is crappy. I hate being negative but . . . It all is.

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    You don't know how you betrayed me.

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