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n a o m i : Snow

. My health is horrible. I am on 60 > 40 > 20 > 10 MG of Prednisone over time. It has forced my weight back up over 165lbs, I'm retaining mass water, thinned my bones out, weakened my joints, has me pissing 3 times an hour - constantly up and down to do it.

. I am also back on Hydroxyzine [H1 Blocker] and Pepcid [H2 Blocker]. It leaves me very weak and tired all the time - functioning is a battle all day every day.

. My hair is falling out like it's no ones business, and while my skin in manageable . . . It's at a high cost.

. My medical bills and debt are insane. And I was rejected for Medicaid . . . We are trying again, but I might have to find the funds to go thru the Clinic for my mental state and get some form of partial disability.

. My job gives me maybe 4-5 hours in a week. All associates are at about 5 - 10 hours. Yet, somehow, they are hiring on 2 more people. It means at least one person has to be fired - and I have a feeling it might be me. There is a lot of favoritism, and I know I am not one of the most popular between my Boss and the other girls.

. With those hours, I make around $50 every 2 weeks. I get by still working my online work but - even that is wobbly, and sometimes I make so little I can't even pay a months phone bill let alone eat. . .

. I obviously am stuck living at my parents. It's driving me mad. I love my family, but we do not do each other well most of the time. My mother has been "unwell" most of my life - and my sister all of hers. I always felt unable to be sick or weak, because they are so often. It has me at a breaking point since I have not been given any help.

. I can't afford a car. So I am stuck relying on other people at all times, which in itself is causing me insane stress. . . Most of all because there is no one reliable and I often am screwed.

. My best friend moved away. I have not been the same since the loss of Emil. I don't have the drive to enjoy my nights anymore.

. I have taken notice I have been allowing myself to get drunk more often. 1-2 times a week. I have done some stupid things during, as well. And they are not helping me. [ Thankfully I caught this. ]

Life is crappy. I hate being negative but . . . It all is.


What exactly does your online work consist of?
I am a Texture Artist. I take the Wireframe a 3D Model Maker would provide, and I paint it into what it is or could be. [ I do this in Clothing Design for sites like IMVU and Second Life. ]
Have you thought about doing any graphic design work then?

Or beyond that, looking for another retail job. Been there, done that... and when you aren't getting hours, you've got to go somewhere else where you will.
n a o m i : Snow

September 2012

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